These tell me that I haven't lived a single moment in ten years; it showed that all my actions, thoughts and feelings were as distant from me as if they belonged to a distant stranger. The real "me" had lived for only three or four months in my life approaching thirty-five years and then I was buried in the depths of a meaningless identity that had nothing to do with me. Last night, when I was facing Maria in bed, I realized that it will be more difficult for me from now on to carry this body, this head that has nothing to do with me.
For ten years, maybe I have been avoiding everyone for nothing, it was unfair not to believe in anyone. If I had searched, maybe I could have found someone like you. If I had learned everything then, maybe I would get used to it in time and try to find you in others. But after that it's all over. I don't want to fix anything after I have done the real great and unforgivable injustice against you. Based on a wrong judgment I made about you, I held all people guilty; I ran away from them. Today I understand the truth; but I am compelled to condemn my breath to eternal loneliness.
Life is a one time gamble, I lost it.
